Cactus Jack sues Microsoft.

I spotted his dusty red pickup as he pulled up in front of our store. Nome looked up when “The Eyes of Texas” blared from the twin horns mounted on the cab’s roof.

“Oh my God it’s him” she screamed “I’ll be in the bathroom, tell me when he’s gone," she shouted over her shoulder as she headed for the back. Nome can’t stand Cactus Jack.

Jack owns “The Rainbow Computer Emporium” located in the back country east of Rainbow. He keeps irregular store hours and abuses his customers every chance he gets. They keep coming back because he’s the only computer store in the area. We’ve met Jack on several occasions over the years. Nome detests him but  I kind of admire the way does things his own way and gets away with it.

Jack stepped through the door and looked around “whar’s yer woman” he asked warily.

“Oh she’s working in the back room,” I said.

“Just as well” he mumbled.

Short and stocky, Jack wore scuffed cowboy boots, and grubby Levis with a Navaho beaded belt. A cowhide vest covered most of his dirty “wife beater.” Jack’s sun blasted face was twisted into a permanent scowl. His salt and pepper mustache drooped to a red neckerchief. An oversized sweat stained ten gallon rode low on his brow barely above his squinty eyes. The not unpleasant aroma of liquor, tobacco and sweat preceded him by several paces. Jack is a man’s man.

“What brings to our humble store” I asked pleasantly.

“Mostly my prostate” said Jack “whar’s yer crapper”

When he returned he thanked me and said “I gotta git me a solid state hard drive from the junk store across the street”

You mean Fry’s? Aren’t they a bit pricey”?

Jack cackled, “Not the way I do it. I buy one, take it out in the parking lot and, tear it open, then take I it back and say it don’t work. They give me my money and I go back outside. I give em ten minutes. By that time they've got done got it shrink-wrap, knocked 20% off the price and stuck it back on the shelf. I go back, buy it and do it all over again. When they git it down to half price I take it home”

“You sure know all the angles Jack,” I said.  Are you building PCs with Microsoft Vista? I asked.

“Yep, all of em. Its cut my warranty expense down to nuthin. When my customers have a problem I just tell its a Vista problem  and to call Microsoft’s customer service. I never hear from em again”

So you don’t like Vista either? I smiled

“Don't like it? I love it.” Jack shouted, “ Vista is gonna make me a wealthy man”

“How do you figure?” I asked   

“I’m putting together a class action lawsuit on behalf of every city in America that’s got Vista in its name. There’s over 200 of em. We’re suing Microsoft for slander.”

“I don’t understand”

“What if somebody started packaging pig manure and labeled it San Marcos or San Diego, wouldn’t that put a knot in your skivvies? 

"Yes I suppose it would" I replied

Well just how do you think them people that lives in Vista feel about bein associated with a pile of crap like Microsoft Vista?”

“I guess I never thought about it that way” I said.

“Neither did Bill Gates but he’s about to now.”

Jack slapped me on the back and said "Gotta go. Meetin with the Vista City Attorney for lunch, This time next year we'll be fishin from my yacht and fartin through silk.”

Jack’s cab-top horns blasted a rendition of “I Wish I Was In Dixie” as pulled out of our lot. Nome yelled from the back, “Is he gone yet”